Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
