i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
