if i can run in heels then i can drive
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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