So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
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She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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