grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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