I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just cropdusted the office
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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