so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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