you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
