so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
