Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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