do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sext me about skeletons
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
