I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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