He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
