...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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