i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
