my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
