This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
