do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
