Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
