I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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