I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
