I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
