Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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