I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
