since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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