her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
