Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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