what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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