don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
