Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
