u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
