i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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