If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
OPIZZABONMYDICK
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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