Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
