omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
