i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
