"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Randomize
