if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
