I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
