it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
