I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
hell yes lets make some ravioli
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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