If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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