i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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