Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
