the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
