She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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