I cockslap morals
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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