Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
