My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
