I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
