The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
