I hate your face
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
