And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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