Pregnant stripper...not hot.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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