my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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