i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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