I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
