nut hugger
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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