Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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