..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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