I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
