It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
