Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
