I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
