dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
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She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
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She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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