i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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