i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
