DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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