I am in a vortex of obligation.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
