Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
there is glitter all over my balls
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
