just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
