fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
