clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Someone signed my nipple.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
