I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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